How does it feel to have a couple of disgusting parents?

Mothers are very strong and illiterate, and they swear at their children, greed for all kinds of cheap things, and instigate their children to cheat and fight for greed. What I can't stand is that life is rough and cursing is disgusting. Father is okay but feeling more and more affected, become the same person as mother, see money on power, even directly in front of their children because of money problems scolded relatives and relatives and children, never taboo, no concept of education, spoiled ignorant son, all kinds of performance comparison. Nausea to the extreme, there is no way to continue to stay in this family!

You see, such parents are not nauseous enough?

I want to tell you my story. I am a preterm infant with seven months to several days. I heard my aunt say that my father thought I was a girl who couldn't even let in the incubator. In the first week of my life, I almost died. In addition, my mother's milk was not good. I could only eat rice paste basically, so I was extremely weak from childhood to adulthood. According to my mother's own complaint, she was pregnant soon after birth. Anyway, she was pregnant. Surprisingly, my father spent a lot of money to find out that he was pregnant with a boy. Later, in less than five months, my father let my mother start to maintain the baby quietly. As a result, she dropped it. Grandma scolded her for not being able to keep the baby even the boy. Let my dad die.

My mother was once depressed and sick. Her eyes were damaged by years of crying. This problem has remained blurred until now. Grandma told me that when I was half a year old, my parents went out to work together. Grandma suspected that I was a girl who refused to take me with me. I grew up with my grandmother. My mother didn't come back until she was eight years old. When she came back, she lived with my grandmother. When I was six years old, I lived with my grandfather because of the problem of school registration.

Later, I learned that my mother was pregnant again. She had been pregnant for many years, but she had not been pregnant with a boy. She had had two births. She had been trying hard to get pregnant and finally checked out that she was pregnant with a boy. It wasn't long before she gave birth to her younger brother, who had been living with her grandmother since the beginning of the month.

Since then, I have lived with my mother. My father has not returned from working outside. My brother's diapers and pants are all washed by me. The place where I wash clothes is near a big reservoir. I'm very afraid. When I was four or five years old, I fell into the water, which led to my fear of water for a time. I cried with my mother. She said that there was something terrible. It's hard not small. She's going to do it herself. When I came back from school, I had to learn how to cook and stir-fry. My mother looked at me with her brother in her arms. She said that it was training me so that my mother-in-law would not scold her for not educating me well in the future. At that time, I hated her very much. I was only eight years old. Why did I start thinking about my marriage?

Later, when my brother was one or two years old, she threw him to me every weekend. She went to the Mahjong Hall two kilometers away to play Mahjong by herself, or gossiped with other aunts and aunts in the village. Anyway, I was not at home. I would take my brother to cook for the three of us. Well, let the adults pass by tell her to come back for dinner. According to her, the aunts and grandmothers who played with her in the village envied her very much because she had taught a good daughter to do everything in spite of her young age, just like adults. I especially like when she says these words, because it can please her, so I don't need to be beaten, scolded and punished.

Nowadays people often say that children have to fight to have a complete childhood. At that time, I couldn't count all the beatings I received. The saltiness of the dishes was not suitable for slapping, the cooking was less, the floor was not cleaned and mopped up, the quilt was not folded neatly and beaten, and the laundry was not taken back in time. Being beaten, the meal was too hot to be eaten with her. My brother climbed up and down naughtily and kowtowed. Even if I didn't notice that I was doing my homework, I would be beaten. My brother's teeth might be uncomfortable. When I held him, he bit me. I cried and my brother cried. My mother thought I hit him, and scolded me while slapping me. Homework is too difficult to do for too long and will be beaten. Once, when I took a bath in the toilet, my mother was in the kitchen to fetch hot water for my brother to take a bath. She didn't notice that my brother had taken out the shampoo to eat. Later, she came up and saw it. She was angry and anxious. She dragged me out of the toilet and beat me. She scolded me for not looking good at my brother. She said that I wanted to kill him. She said that I wanted to make my mother feel bad, so I did. She pushed my head against the window and the glass broke into a spider web. I fainted and didn't even have time to cry. Later, I woke up lying in bed, a little covered. At that time, I carefully followed my mother, flattered my mother, flattered my brother. When I was ten years old, I had the idea of suicide. I was relieved of jumping down from a certain height and falling dead. It was ridiculous that even then, I was still afraid that my body would break and let others laugh at my mother. Maybe even my mother's body. Don't throw it out to feed the dog. This leads to extreme inferiority and introversion in my personality.

My mother said that I owe her all my life because I caused her to hold her head up in front of her grandmother for a long time. My brother's arrival is to free her. I must treat my brother unconditionally. The most she said was that I could not escape her palm in my life, even if I was married. In my mother's mouth, I've heard the dirtiest words in the world. I even amuse my brother. She can say that when I'm young, I'm cheating on a man. She can say that sooner or later I'm going to die in circles and forks. Maybe when I'm young, I can't understand these words. When I see her talking, I laugh and even laugh with her. At that time, I felt that I was a dog she owned. I amused myself and kicked a few feet when I was unhappy. I was really looking forward to growing up, going to high school and college, and being able to live on campus, so I didn't have to go home. Although I am at home to this situation, but I still work hard, straight performance has been very good.

Later, my brother was three years old. One day my mother told me that she would take me to study in the county for my own good. She said that she was fair to my brother and me. I was very happy because after leaving the countryside, there was no need to burn firewood, dig land, cut pork grass, or harvest in spring and autumn. Later one day, my grandmother couldn't bear to see my mother beat me and told me that she must study hard and stay away from my mother in the future. It was my mother and my father who had discussed the best education for my brother. The children of other families were three years old, and my brother was also going to read kindergartens. However, there were no kindergartens in our 28-line countryside, even in the town. Only my mother said she wanted to go to the county.

After arriving in the county town, my father made a small business with money, and my mother took my brother to kindergarten at home. I was in sixth grade because of the difference between rural education and urban education. I couldn't keep up with the rhythm. There were more than sixty students in my class. My grades were only in the middle. There were no English classes in the countryside. After the final exam results came out, I was punished for a long time. After dinner in the evening, I honestly washed dishes and washed pots. Then my mother shut me out. At that time, it was a rented house. On the third floor of an old community and in winter, I knelt outside the door and was cold and frightened. Although my brother was only three years old, he learned my mother's exactly the same temperament. He opened the door and laughed at me. The stairs in the old community were not well lit, and people from other floors came back one after another. The footsteps up and down the stairs frightened me greatly. Cry. Eventually, someone on the other floor could not hear me knock on the door to let my mother lead me in without affecting others. My mother beat me in again and knelt down beside her bed after beating me. She said that the waste of electricity had turned off the lamp, and I was afraid to cry with my mouth covered. She said that I was cursing her to die, getting up and beating me again. I will always remember. She used the iron lock to lock the motorcycle, and for several days I was embarrassed to roll up my sleeves. The blue and purple marks on her arms looked terrible.

The locks of motorcycles, made of chains, are wrapped in soft plastic pipes and can be directly carried over by air when hit on the body. I was so scared that I knelt down and begged my mother not to fight. It was so painful and painful. I promised that I would be in the top places in the next exam. She told me what to do if I didn't get in, and I said I would go out. Finally, she let me roll out and wash my face as if she had let me go. She said it was disgusting to see me like this. I knelt too long and my legs were numb for a while. She said that I was disobedient to her discipline and slapped me twice. My brother laughed and laughed beside him. My mother coaxed him to go to bed quickly and said that she would take him to buy clothes and clothes tomorrow.

At that time, I had forgotten the feeling of jealousy. I should have envied my brother, but my heart was only afraid that they would not want me and throw it out. There are only two rooms in the rental room, one for kitchen and dining room, the other for bedroom, one big bed or two small beds in the bedroom. My parents sleep in big beds, my brother sleeps in small beds. In fact, the small bed can sleep for two people. My brother doesn't want to sleep with me, saying that my mother says I'm dirty, so I've been sleeping on a wooden shelf of cold sofa. My mother told me to carry it home and clean it. When I moved it, it was just seen by my neighbors. My mother said that I was naughty to pick up garbage all day.

When I was in the fourth grade, my body began to grow and my chest ached. I saw all the girls around me wearing the sling underwear. I also wanted to wear it, but I dared not ask my mother to buy it. I mentioned to her about her physical development once. She scolded me for not having to face to say how to be ashamed to say these words. Until junior high school, my mother found that I had been hunched and asked me what was wrong. She said she had lost her face. I said it was ugly to wear clothes on her chest. She bought me two of those sling underwear. Because of the long stature, the underwear is always tight, and later it broke down. I dare not let my mother buy it. So these two sling underwear have been worn from junior high school to senior high school. One night I took a shower and did my homework in my pajamas. The so-called pajamas were a set of thin long-sleeved trousers that I usually wore. My father stood behind me and looked at my question. He did not know whether he was intentionally or unintentionally. He reached out and touched my chest. When I looked back, he was still laughing and frightened me. I ran to tell my mother, my mother said, crying. Find out what's wrong, what's wrong with the family, where we didn't see you when you were a kid. From then on, I locked the door when I did my homework in the evening and saw that my dad wanted to hide.

My mother bought new clothes and shoes for my brother. I never dared to look straight at them because they would be held in jealousy. My mother often said that I wronged her for giving preference to boys and girls. I had been beaten many times. Every time other aunts joked me that my mother did not buy new clothes for my brother because she was partial to her brother, I would generously say that my brother was a boy. As a sister, I want to set an example for my brother. It's the most important thing that I don't compete in eating and wearing. Good academic performance is the most important thing. My grades did improve later. Those aunts praised me for my good grades and diligence. At this time, I could even get praise from my mother. I was really very happy at that time. But God knows how sad I was when I said those words. I also want new clothes. Every year, even New Year's clothes are bought by my grandmother or grandmother. The only thing my mother will buy for me is sports shoes stores that buy one-for-one defective shoes on sale. But that's what I said. My mother would secretly say that I was hypocritical. It was clearly jealousy that said she was biased. So what can I do? Even if I think so, can I say I want it directly? Is this not death?

One year, SARS or bird flu came. Every household had mercury thermometers. My brother was about five or six years old at that time. He also wrecked the mercury thermometer naughtily and packed it back intact. One night my mother asked me to pick it up. When I found it broken, my mother said to my mother, she scolded me for thieves. Catching thieves and beating me severely, I can't bear denying it all the time. My mother said that my father would come back and tidy me up. Later, my father came back and estimated that my mother forgot about it. I took this opportunity to tell my brother that my sister could help you carry pots and pans once or twice, but not for your whole life. If you have a little conscience, admit your mistakes. One day later, my brother volunteered to tell my mother that he had broken the thermometer. He was afraid to be beaten like his sister. My mother asked him if I threatened him to say that, and he said no. I thought my mother would apologize to me. After all, after all, she scolded me for so long and finally found out that it was wrong. But my mother said, I am your mother, even if I wronged you, you can only tolerate it. Every parent in the world is right. I can only laugh bitterly in my heart, and listen attentively.

Later, I went to high school, my brother went to primary school, our family bought a house, near the rental room, set up a Two-Belt study, my father put a folding bed in the study for me to sleep, although unlike my brother's bedroom with custom-made wardrobe, but I prepared a clean carton, in any case, I finally had my own small bedroom. County town is better than the rural conditions, the best high school nearby is in the county town, I got into this high school with better grades, and was assigned to key classes.

From the beginning of my trip to the county town, I went to and from school by bike, rain or shine. There is a bus route starting from the opposite side of our community, through high school, but my mother never allowed me to take a bus, walk to school when it rained heavily, and ride a bicycle when it rained lightly. She said that students who go to school by bus like to compete and are not enterprising. My brother's primary school was the only way I had to go to school. My father sent him to school every day. I was jealous at that time, but I dared not say it.

I only had my first menstruation when I was sixteen years old. My dysmenorrhea was very serious. My face was pale, my legs and feet were soft, and my quantity was often black and black. I didn't understand that. The physiology teacher was too embarrassed to talk about it. Let's study by ourselves. I was so scared that I told my mother this. My mother scolded me and said that I was acting. She said that any woman who did not experience these things might not be more painful than the birth of a baby, which made me endure. Later it was the second or third time that I fainted directly. My mother found that the situation was serious and let my father go to the hospital on my back. She said that she had no face. I went, said I lost her face, the doctor asked me the situation, in front of my father, I was embarrassed to say, I said that menstruation stomach aches badly, the doctor said to pay attention to keep warm and do not touch cold things, gave a few pairs of Chinese medicine conditioning. When I got home, I boiled medicine for myself, and my mother cursed and cursed beside me. She said that there was something wrong with my child's family and that I was eating snacks. My conscience tells me that I never have pocket money on my body. She is so stingy that she seldom buys fruit at home. At the age of sixteen, I am only eighty kilograms tall and weighing one meter and sixty-five. Usually, I do housework. Except for school time, I do laundry, cooking, cleaning and cleaning all the rest of the time. I can't do well and get beaten or scolded. Homely food. When I have dysmenorrhea, even washing dishes and pans with hot water will be scolded by my mother, saying that I do, that I waste gas, where can not touch cold water, she said that she had menstruation in those years and even had to work in paddy fields, that modern people in such good conditions may not be as resistant as her.

When I was a freshman in senior high school, the small business that my mother did in the county town got better. My mother helped collect the bills in the store, and the change was always in my pocket. When I came home from school one afternoon, I made meals and delivered them to the store. I found the atmosphere was very serious. I asked my mother what happened. My mother said that you wanted to think about what you did and admitted that you could do it. Live. Although I think I haven't done anything myself, I'm still afraid. When my dad comes back, my mom tells my dad that she lost tens of dollars in the store's change, directly speaking, it must be mine, and using professional exclusion method. She says that she and my dad can't take it, and my brother can't take it when he is only a few years old, so it must be me. . When my father heard that I had stolen money, he could not help telling me to kneel on the sidewalk outside the store. At that time, I was sixteen years old, and my shame was so high that he said he didn't take it and would never kneel. My father tied my hand with a rope to tie me to a tree in front of the door. I knelt on the ground and was dragged away by him. I cried. People came and went laughing at me. Others said that the girl was beaten for stealing money. Many people said that they should be beaten. They said that when they were young, they stole money and grew up to steal people. My dad was angry and slapped me a few times. My face was swollen. Suddenly I saw my brother's face whining, and I shouted at my father. You dare not ask him if he dared to turn his bag in his trousers. My dad told me it was a good fight. As a result, my brother panicked and turned over his schoolbag and there was still some change in it. I couldn't help crying. Several aunts in the next store pulled me when they couldn't see me. I cried and said why it was all my fault to do anything wrong. My mom can't help but say she hit you all. What else do you want? Otherwise, I kneel down for you, and I run home crying. Later, my brother was beaten by my father, and my mother was so distressed and helpless. When I got home, I told him that I hadn't taught my brother well. I watched him learn badly and didn't know to remind him. I can only say that I will pay attention to it later. At that time, I was extremely disappointed with the family.

Because high school has to study late, supper is eaten in the school canteen, and in the morning, because of going out early, I didn't cook breakfast at home. My dad just started giving me 20 yuan a week. When I finished asking him for it, he said that I only knew how to spend money and asked me to make a list of what I had eaten for him. I want to go to school to study, can't bear hunger, courage to tell my father, steamed bread is a dollar two, soybean milk a dollar a cup, fried sticks a dollar 51 root, the school's rice flour is five yuan one or two, seven yuan two, a fried rice also needs six or seven yuan. I have classes every week from Monday to Saturday, Sunday morning, seven breakfast and six dinners. 20 yuan is not enough at all. My dad just changed to give me 20 yuan in three days, 40 yuan a week, and let me give him details every time I spend money. In fact, it's not as good as the packs of cigarettes he smokes. But I know in my heart that it's good to be born in a family like this, and all the other things I want can only be earned by myself in the future. Throughout high school, I had no friends, no so-called friends, no one wanted to play with me, and I didn't want to play with them, because I didn't have any extra money on me. They liked to treat people to snacks. Although it was not worth much, I didn't even have that.

Later, I failed in the college entrance examination, only exceeded the two lines for dozens of points, did not go to the line, my father asked me to re-study for a year to go to a key university, said that only key universities can shine ancestors, my mother let me not read, said who whose children graduated from junior high school and went out to work, now a month is not the same tens of millions of people. Earn money. For the first time, I talked back to my mother and said that my life was my own decision and it was still useful to study. Otherwise, why did my brother report to the training class when his grades were not good? In spite of a battle, I successfully reported to two public schools in a city in other provinces, and the tuition fees were not high, so I went to school. For the first time, my father offered to buy something for me and bought me a 700 yuan mobile phone, pink, small, which I still have.

The University report was that I went alone. When I arranged my things for going out, my mother said that I was glad to be away from her at last. She said that I had no conscience and I was not a well-bred dog. I remember that when I went out, I didn't look back. I felt like I was going to be free soon. When I arrived at school, I first reported to my father that I was safe, and then I began to prepare things to check in for accommodation. The registration fee was taken by one of my sophomores. I really thanked her very much. The next day began military training. It started at 7:30 in the morning, had an hour's rest at noon, and continued at 6:30 in the afternoon under the sun. Because the soil and water were not acclimatized and the military training was really a little tired, I fell ill that night and the whole person was not in condition. I just lay down and rested for less than half an hour. My mother called one time. Come on, education scolded me for more than an hour, saying that I am far away from home, why did I not call the house today, saying that my wings are hard enough to disobey her discipline, saying that I can only die outside, saying all kinds of genital disgusting words. The third night is still the same, at that point in the evening, my mother must call to scold.

Until the fourth day, I probably couldn't call me because she wasn't around. For the first time, I didn't answer her phone and went to sleep directly. The next morning, I got up with dozens of cell phones unanswered. Most of them were from my mother, my father, my grandparents and even my grandma called me. I was a little nervous at that time, thinking that something had happened at home, I resolutely called my grandmother and grandmother back, only to find that they were all called by my mother. My mother said that I was not disciplined to do things with her, and deliberately did not answer her phone to make her feel bad. She told my grandmother that I died outside and she could not find a place to collect corpses, which frightened the elderly to follow me. Several phone calls were made. Later, I called my brother. Although he was young, he already had his own mobile phone. My brother said that my mother scolded at home every day and said that she shouldn't let me go out to study. She said that the girl didn't need to read so many books. She should stay at home and take care of her family. No one did any housework at home when I left. She said that she married into this family and suffered. She wanted to curse me every day that I had to die. Later, my mother never called me again and said she wanted me to live and die outside, otherwise I would always kneel before her and beg for her.

I went to college in 2011, when prices were slightly lower than they are now. Before I went to college, my father gave me 600 yuan, a month's living expenses. He said that my cousin spent 600 yuan a month in college in 2008. My dad asked me to use a postal card issued by my school. He said that the cost of living would be charged every month in the future. He told me that the cost of living would be spent. One day a month later, I saved and saved money, but there was probably less than fifty yuan on my body. I called my father and said that there was no living expenses. My father said that he didn't take money for me. How long did it take for me to have living expenses? He said that I had to pay for living expenses before I called him. When I said you took 600 for me at the beginning of the school, it was more than 30 days since that day, and I really couldn't hold on to it. As I cried, I said that I was particularly wronged. My father scolded you and hung up the phone tomorrow. Then the next day, on the third day, I went to collect money, but Cary didn't. I am particularly sad. I know my mother is blocking my father from giving me money. She has to let me kowtow her head and admit that she had better raise her up and kneel to lick her to be satisfied. After all these years, I don't want to be such a lowly person anymore. I live too without dignity and tired.

I didn't call my dad to ask about the cost of living, and I didn't know where I suddenly came from. I spent ten yuan to buy a bottle of old godmother. I only eat two steamed breads a day. The steamed bread in the school canteen is very cheap. It's only fifty cents a bottle. It's small, and I drink water at other times. The feeling of hungry stomach is really uncomfortable, especially in class, stomach is always grumbling. I asked for a sister who recommended me to work part-time in a restaurant. She took delivery to a nearby university town at noon or afternoon when there was no class. She helped me in a restaurant two days a weekend. For the first three days, restaurants only eat three meals without pay, but at least they don't have to go hungry. Later, take-out is one yuan, and the weekend work day is 80 yuan. At that time, it seemed that I could earn at least five or six hundred yuan a month. Though tired, at least I didn't have to go hungry. A week later, it seemed as if it was a Saturday. My father called me on his own initiative and asked me what my bank card number was. In fact, I sent him a text message. He just wanted to find an excuse to ask. I said I'd send it to you, and my dad said it and hung up. My mother was on the other end of the phone, and I heard her clearly that I hadn't asked him to transfer money for a week, which means I was rich. I just wanted to cheat them more, and I couldn't use up 600 yuan a month. I gave my dad a card number and called back. At that time, I was a little angry. I said that after watching the time, you thought I had spent all my money to pay for me. You earned too much money. I asked for money every month. It was really unbearable. My dad didn't say a word. My mother grabbed the phone and said, "You're a vampire, you're welcome. Other children like you have been working so early to share the pressure at home. You're not satisfied with the hard work and hard work of the labor force to make money for your study. You don't think the money is enough. You can't fight the labor force back and you can't get up and go alive." Then there's the indescribable dirty word. Up to now, I feel that the most fearful thing in my life is to listen to other people's swearing words, not to hurt my self-esteem, people scold me all kinds of ugly words, I have not been moved at all, I am particularly calm, I suffered much more harm from my parents than others, even my parents so to me, I have nothing to do. Fear. Later, my father transferred me 650 yuan. Listen to my brother, my mom and my dad quarreled about this for a long time, and said they shouldn't give me more turn.

During the first four months of College semester, I didn't go home because of the distance. My dad said that it was expensive to travel back and forth. He refused to let me go back. During the period, my dad transferred my living expenses twice, which were 650 yuan. I didn't ask him for it. I've never heard my parents say eat well and don't be hungry. Calling home to say hello is the most common way to hear abuse and save money. In fact, the family conditions are not bad. Every month, net income in business is at least tens of thousands. Maybe they don't want me to spend money indiscriminately, or I don't deserve to spend so much money. Before the end of the final exam and the winter vacation, my mother asked my brother to call me and said that it was polite for me to bring gifts to everyone in my family when I came back from other places. At that time, I saved some money because of the help of the restaurant, but it usually cost a lot to register for various examinations. The fees for various examinations in universities are very expensive. Some of them can clearly sign up for themselves, and the school has to sign up for the fees. So I don't have much money left on me. I have to plan to study and live in the future. I dare not spend it in disorder. If it weren't for this, I didn't have any extra money on me. I couldn't eat enough. Where did I get the money to buy it? So I only bought things for grandparents and grandparents, some specialties suitable for the elderly.

As a matter of fact, my daughter hasn't returned home for three or four months. My parents should be very happy. But because I didn't bring gifts to my parents, I was beaten again. My mother let me kneel in the living room to admit my mistake, from the beginning of school until I came back, she next to me to retrieve old debts, when it comes to emotional excitement, hit with the clothes hanger when the palm is tired, I kneel, dare not hide, dare not escape, and dare not cry out. My mom even took something I hadn't said I hadn't done to her. She said that once I called her and hung up the phone. I said that the cell phone was dead. She said definitely not. I must have hung up deliberately. I said that I charged it later and called her back. She said no, she said to my dad. I just don't want her to feel at ease to make her angry. My dad kicked me, kicked the leg bone, and it became swollen all of a sudden. Although I was wearing cotton-padded clothes, the clothes rack was wire, and there were still swollen marks on my body. At that time, I even thought of calling the police, but it seemed useless. The police certainly believed my parents. They made up a random excuse to steal money, fight, and deal with people of different kinds. I heard so much that the police would at most persuade them to do less. Maybe I would still be detained.

Later, throughout the holiday, I was humble at home as a nanny, washing, cooking, washing dishes and mopping the floor, riding my bicycle to send my brother to cram school. What I'm looking forward to most is the opening of college. When that day comes, I'll really be as free as I was released from prison. Throughout college, I was afraid to get sick, to have dinner with friends, and to eat something that was entertained easily, because I was not able to afford it. I was once depressed. God's favor, I have a group of very friendly dormitory roommates, understanding and support for me and enlightenment, until now although the sky is different, but we are still in contact. During college, my father asked me if I was in love. I said that I took my studies as a priority. Later, I learned that my father heard that many college students were pregnant when they were living together in love. He was afraid that I would lose face with him. Actually, it's not that I don't want to fall in love. I'm really afraid that I can't find a person who is sincere to me, and even more afraid of finding someone who is sincere to me. I certainly don't want him to participate in a family like mine. During the whole university period, my life was full of classes, part-time jobs, studying and reviewing various examinations. The only contact with the family is to call and listen to all kinds of complaints and dirty words, as well as a month and a half, or a month and a half of my father called 650 yuan, or leave home to continue as a nanny. Later, after graduation from university, I returned to my hometown's provincial capital city to find a job, internship, work, rent a house, move, everything is a person, except my roommate, no one at home asked me whether I was tired or sick, and no one took care of me. Several times I thought I was dying of a bad cold and could not persist, and I was short of money, and I did not want to. Dare not speak to the room, stand firm. Think about those childhood experiences, I think these are nothing, somehow keep this life, always think that my life is still long.

Within a month of working, my father asked me when I would get married, but I didn't even have a partner. My mother was so rare that she finally called me and asked me to go back to my blind date. I said I was busy and unstable at work for a while. She cried everywhere in her hometown, saying that she had suffered so much that her daughter, who was easy to raise, did not listen to her, and even said that I dared not come back because I was out of sight. Not long afterwards, a boy chased me. The boy's skin was dark, not very tall, almost tall with me, but he was easy-going. He was two years older than me. He was working as a manager in a bank. The family conditions were good. His parents were in building materials business, and his only child was rooted in this city from his grandfather's generation. Yes, I met him at a party of my colleagues and friends over the weekend. I just said to get along and see first. After a period of time, I told my parents and showed them the pictures. They disliked to say that they were short and black. They said that the girl's boyfriend next door was handsome. Like movie stars, other people admired him. My parents firmly disagreed with us, saying they knew from face to face that they were not a good person, and then they threw me a sentence that if I didn't listen to them, I would break up with them.

At that time, I was just beginning with this boy, and I didn't want to delay him. He excused me that I still wanted to find a local one, and the boy respected me so that I could get together and be friends. Just when I thought it was over, my mother suddenly asked me one day what the man was doing in the boy's family and where he was from. After I said that, my mother was very excited and said why I didn't say it earlier and let me take it back to see when. I said you'd split up early if you didn't get together. My mom said that's because I didn't make myself clear about each other. I said you didn't give me a clear chance. So my mother said let me take the initiative to ask this boy, to give him a good word, see if it can be reconciled, said that such a good family conditions can not be missed, said that I can not meet so good in the future. I tried to deal with her.

In a twinkling of an eye, the Spring Festival, I came back to my parents each sealed a thousand yuan red envelope, gave my brother 500 yuan. I haven't been working long, internship is not paid, and formal working salary is not high, so I haven't saved much money, and I have to pay rent and eat. My mother said so little in the first sentence when she received the red envelope that other children directly saved their salaries to their parents. My dad said, "Okay, it's okay. I finally got interest when I was raised so big. I was speechless. Then my mother pestered me and asked the boy what had happened, calling me to invite him to come and play in front of her. I said that before the time came, my mother began to threaten me. Finally, she grabbed my cell phone and called the boy. She couldn't stop it. That boy is polite enough to say he can't come when something happens. My mother hung up the phone directly, scolded him and made her lose face. Later, I learned that my mother had said everywhere that I had found a rich second-generation boyfriend and said that he listened to me everything. Now she's going to lose face, and she blames me for all the blame, saying that it's because I didn't handle it properly that she lost face. My mother has been urging me to contact him. I think it's not a matter of procrastination. I'm going to tell this boy about my mother's inexplicable phone call. As a result, the boy contacted me first and said that he had a girlfriend. He planned to get married in the second half of the year. He invited me to attend the wedding when I was free. I told my mother that they were going to get married, and my mother finally let go. One night when I got up to go to the toilet at night and heard my parents quarrelling under their throats, I realized that what they said was that they wanted me to marry well was to buy a house for my brother and daughter-in-law at a high price. Since I couldn't find it myself, they arranged for some wealthy family to meet each other. In the future, my brother would let me go to college. Affordable tuition and living expenses. Selling daughters and raising sons is not the most useful value I can give them in my life? Later in the day, they continued to urge me to find a partner and arrange my blind date. I cooperated with them very much. I felt no need to offend them for these things. I had seen all kinds of crooked melons and cracked dates, and even asked to go out to play and live together. But these are all gone. They scolded me, even once they came to my work unit thousands of miles away to make a noise. They shouted that I had lost their face. They said that I had read books for several years and I did not recognize my parents. They beat me at the entrance of the company. My colleagues called the police. Later, I lost the hard-won job. 。 I moved to work and changed my cell phone number. My grandmother also used the public phone to call and greet my grandmother. My grandmother told me that my mother couldn't contact me at home and slandered me for running away with a wild man outside. I was caught smoking Du outside and so on. I don't care anymore. Let her say whatever she wants. A year later, during the Spring Festival, I used the public telephone at the supermarket entrance of the community to call my dad. He started to swear, and I said that I could not come back from work in the field, so that they could take care of their health. My father was so angry that he hung up the phone.

Speaking of my mother, my mother's personality is very strange, especially strong, shortcomings are very many, like to compare, than their husbands than their children, look down on others, like flattery, snobbish, no loss, always like to make fun of others, like to take advantage of others, do things for others, pay special attention to return, quarrel. A mouth is all kinds of dirty words, often do good things because it can not get good words from others and then sprinkle at home, the voice can be heard upstairs and downstairs, a quarrel with my dad on the civil affairs divorce, several times with my dad big fight. Most of my dad listened to my mom at home. She liked to mention the merits of this family. She gave birth to a son desperately, and worked hard to raise a couple of children. I also like to complain everywhere. Everything in our family, big or small, is known to the neighbors next door. My mother and her brothers and sisters all tore their faces, quarreled or even fought, and several uncles and aunts of my mother-in-law's family also broke off, relatives on New Year's Day basically do not contact, only grandmother's birthday will they get together, but also can not say a few words. My mother always said that they were sorry for her and could not understand her good intentions. For example, when relatives were in good relationship, my mother cut watermelons and invited everyone to eat. She said that it was hot to eat watermelons to relieve the summer heat. What a good thing my brother, brother and sister loved. Then my mother said something that offended everyone. She laughed and said, "Eat quickly, you starving ghosts are born, lest I say that I have done you a bad turn, and even the watermelon is reluctant to cut to you when I come here." Several faces were green, and my mother thought she was funny and her jokes were funny. Later, many times, everyone did not want to come to our house. Several times I wanted to remind her that it was not right to do so. Instead, she jumped very high and had to compete for three points. Now with her frequent contacts, only business aunts, because of interests, so many years, has not changed.

Up to now, I haven't been home for three years. My parents'hurt to me has made me homeless. I am alone in the rental house, although lonely in heart, but the body is free. For a long time, I wake up in nightmares every night, dreaming that my father cut my flesh with a knife, dreaming that my mother pressed me in the water to suffocate me, dreaming that they slapped me on the face again and again, dreaming that their feet kicked on me, dreaming that my brother was drinking my blood, waking up from dreams many times, I was always crying. But since I wrote these words one by one, I have tried to put them down slowly. After all, I can't go back to the past and change the existing facts, but I will never forgive them. Latter Lammas.

_Updated on 8 July, below.

Hello, dear strangers. I want to say that I am still alive, living in a corner of the world, with the help of a psychologist to alleviate the physical and mental suffering.

Thank you for your warm support and your encouragement and blessings.

I'm sorry to disappoint you guys, but I have my own secrets.

When I was in college, I wanted to work during the winter and summer vacation, but the tuition fee was still very expensive for me. I tried hard, because I couldn't get a loan, so I had to go home because I needed tuition fees. I haven't contacted them for a long time. My other relatives tried to contact me and I refused to contact them unilaterally. I don't want to go back home, at least for the moment. I call someone in my family at most once a year, either grandpa or grandpa, and I don't want to do anything else. Money does not want to take, things do not want to send, that is, from the heart of the rejection.

I don't know how to face this long-standing problem correctly. My household registration is not moved out at home, although there are many ways to move out, but it is not moved out. The old ID card has expired, but the new ID card does not need the household registration book. Maybe I'll use the Hukou book in the future. My instinct now is to refuse to think about it.

There is no such thing as marriage in my life plan. I don't want to bring my negative emotions to the people I love. I don't want children either. I'm afraid I'll inherit the temperament and personality of my parents. It's unfair to my children. Children are the continuation of parents'love. They shouldn't carry what they shouldn't. I can't guarantee that their emotions are stable.

I was a Scorpio in 1991. It's hard to see that I'm a Scorpio. I don't have the tenacity or courage of Scorpio. My childhood experience has worn away many edges and corners. My colleagues say that I'm a responsible person, but it's just because I'm good at apologizing.

Last month, I picked up an orange cat, which I picked up at the entrance of the corridor when I threw garbage. I named it "Throwing." It was like a lost cat. It was not dirty and its nails had been trimmed. So far, no one has come to collect the lost and found it. Its owner also wore a collar for it, but there was no way to contact it. It may also be abandoned. Yeah, that's a pity. I don't know how big it is, but it's only a few months old. It doesn't like cat food, like boiled chicken, like boiled broccoli, like to grab potato shreds with me. It only likes to use tofu sand, and it likes to look around the toilet before entering the cat toilet. I like to buy white steamed bread at work, but I like to grab the scalp of steamed bread when I lose it. At night, he always likes to sleep behind me. He seems to like me very much.

I've been studying the issue of body donation recently. I hope I can do something really useful to society. I will work hard, earning money and living earnestly.

Share a word with you.

I support homosexuality. I understand depression. I think the lady with tattoos is cool. I know that donating hematopoietic stem cells does not need to endure great pain to punch holes in bones. I will feed stray cats and dogs downstairs. I will give my seat to my grandmother and thank the shop assistant. Even though I am mediocre, plain-looking, bad-tempered, once disappointed and painful, sad and desperate, and suffered all the hardships of life, I still strive to be a kind and gentle person. Be kind when you are born.

I hope I can also be a kind person.

Blessing those who have the same experience as me to get out of the sea of misery as soon as possible.


_Update on July 18 below

Recently, I have been busy for a long time. I didn't know anything about it. Today, I suddenly remembered that there were so many comments and praises. I want to say something.

Let's start with the comments. Many people give me encouragement and blessings, really thank you, good people have a safe life. In the past six months, with the intervention of the psychologist, my condition has improved a lot. Some people say I'm making up stories, and I hope I'm making stories, really, I especially hope those are dreams. Questioning my mother's pregnancy on the moon, and also give me a scientific analysis, I feel funny, ha-ha. When my mom quarreled with my dad, she said that she was pregnant when she was out of the month, which led to her poor health. So I remember that she was pregnant when she was out of the month. Strange, why should I explain to Keyboard Man? I don't remember why I didn't run away when I returned home from college. Maybe I had this idea, but I hope I can study hard and find a job after graduation.

Actually, now think about it. My parents hate me so much, torture me, even abuse me. Why should I finish college? I see a lot of people scolding my mother for me. My instinct is to feel a little chilly in my heart. But considering the things I have experienced, I want to help you with a good scolding.

Lost and injured a few days ago, jumping up and down to catch mosquitoes at home was hung broken feet, sent it to the pet hospital for a look, no major obstacles. When I was in the pet hospital, I met many stray cats. I wanted to adopt them, but they didn't meet the requirements. Fortunately, they are not afraid of loneliness. I also try to give it the best life, canned chicken and beef jerky. Let's stay with each other.

I want to think about what else to say. Well, this year is the fourth year. I didn't go back to my so-called home. At most once a year, make a phone call to one of my grandparents, grandparents and grandparents, and use the public telephone. Now it's more than 1,530 kilometers away from home. I live well alone. Just as they scold me at home, so do Keyboard Knight-errant. I don't even care about my relatives. I will care about you. Ha ha ha ha. I just want to live. Live for yourself.

The sky is blue, the grass is green, the roses are fragrant, the sun is warm, I laugh very happily. The stray cats in the next unit have laid their babies. I made a nest for them and fed them when I came back from work. Life is full of hope.


Updated on 12 August. The following

How are you doing these days? I hope you all have a good time. I have been traveling to Yunnan in recent days. I went there alone. I planned for half a year and finally took this step. I also went to Lugu Lake. What boat did I take? The lake is not as beautiful as the pictures advertised. It's a bit dirty. I buckled a small shellfish from the ground and brought it back, leaving a souvenir. I don't know if it's in the lake. I'm not stealing it.

I like listening to Joker Xue's songs recently. To the point of obsession. I don't chase the stars, I just listen to his songs. Some friends recommend me to watch "What's Home". I watched it and I cried silently for a long time. Why insist on living when you are born but not raised?

The day before yesterday, I went to donate blood. I walked around Xinhua Bookstore and met a blood collection point. This is the first blood donation in my life. The nurses who took blood for the first time said that I was type AB, and then tested the RH negative blood with what card. She was very happy to say that the battle blood in the panda's blood. She asked me to register and leave contact information, saying that if urgent blood transfusion was needed, someone would notify me. I donated 400 ml and saw my blood flowing down the big needle tube into the bag. I touched it and it was still warm.

Today's update, I read the comments you gave me, many good wishes, especially touched, I want to reply one by one thank you, found that the workload is too large. Here's a collective thank you. Thank you for your warm wishes, I have received, and as a driving force for change.

I saw my friends say they saw the words I sent elsewhere, and I said, I haven't sent them anywhere else. I only know that this time, you should be careful not to be seized by interested people, deceiving property. In fact, it is also the doctor's suggestion that we can alleviate the inner pressure by talking, writing or speaking. I saw a handsome young man saying that I was angry, and suggested that I write my own experience as a novel and publish a book, saying that it could improve my life. Well, thank him for his advice. I don't think about it. I might be mad to expose the scar again. My current income situation is enough for me to live comfortably. You don't have to worry about me.

I saw someone advise me to call the police and ask me why I went to college and didn't know how to protect myself by law. I tried, the police said, and there was not enough evidence to prove that I had been subjected to domestic violence. There is no way to prosecute them. The scars on the body have disappeared over time. Even if there are scars, they can not be directly proved to be caused by them. Just as I haven't shown you all kinds of evidence of my injury, there are some people who doubt that I'm fabricating it. When I was young, I didn't know how to protect myself at all. When I grew up, I seldom went home. The recording of abusive calls could only let the police give them oral education, which was meaningless. One of the biggest reasons for going to college is the need for tuition fees, which I have to endure. At that time, there was no way. Now that I graduated from university, I have only been back once or twice in the past few years. It is more difficult to obtain evidence. Plus, they are both acting schools, and they have already set up various ugly images for me there. Many people think it's all my fault. They say that they are only educating children and that I don't obey discipline. So, as long as I don't go back and contact them, I don't have to face them in the future. It's just that I can't put the past things in my heart, write them out and talk about them, maybe just for a comfort, or just for myself to listen to.

Anyway, in a word, I am still alive, like an immortal tough, stubborn bronze, living in some corner of the world. I wish you all the best. The unfortunate will get out of the misery as soon as possible. The lucky ones will get better and better.

Today, a girl praised my right eye. I asked her why she only praised one eye. She said that because it was symmetrical, she did not need to praise the other one. I stared at myself in the mirror. Maybe I'm too straightforward to get good at what she said.


Updated on 3 September. The following

I haven't known it for a long time. Today I happened to open up and see thousands of new comments. Thank you for your encouragement. Thank you for so many wonderful little fortunes in the world. I will live well, strive to live, fight for their own gas.

A few days ago, my friend told me about a girl, a micro-blogger, whose name was "Runfan", who committed suicide because of depression. Her last message was probably that she had depression, so she was going to die. It seems that it's still in 2012. Until now, many people will leave messages on her microblog to express their distress. I also have depression, but I have no courage to die. Or, if you have the courage to die, why don't you dare to live well? Life will never be smooth sailing, in addition to family injury, as well as the blow from society, there are all kinds of bumps on the road of life. If you really can't stand it, don't grieve and hold yourself back. Find a tree hole to talk about it and have a good cry. There are thousands of roads, there is always a place where you can go to the light. I found a way of my own. I listened to the doctor's advice and told it in writing. The burden on my heart was gradually lessening. Seeing the message you left me in another section of the mobile screen, I seem to see the light.

So, come on, ladies and gentlemen. The world may not be as satisfying as you imagine, but as long as you do your best to find your way, the light will always see, really, you have to believe in yourself, even if you have nothing else, then you have yourselves. You see, the stray cat that I often feed will wait for me at the stairway when I get off work in the evening and grow into a little fat man. He always likes to crouch behind me. I feel expectant and happy. I seldom rely on all kinds of sleeping aids at night.

I am slowly accumulating energy, a little bit stronger myself. If you know the unlimited number of words, I will keep updating. I hope you are all well. Bless you, strangers in front of the screen.

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