Should a child be educated in praise or criticism from an early age?

I grew up under the pressure of education when I was young. I felt that my relative character and mentality were more resilient. A friend around me was encouraged by his parents when he was a child. He liked to hear others praise him. If he encounters obstacles that cannot be overcome, he will become more and more irritable and unwilling to continue. Sometimes I give up. So I'm thinking, is it better to suppress education or encourage it?
Please adopt case-by-case education.

Many parents have a mentality to shape and change their children, and praise or criticism are tools in their hands. They think they can knock here and there with tools like clay kneaders, and carve an ideal child in their minds for a long time. But they forget that they are facing a living, learning and understanding person, not a piece of mud.

With this mentality, let's call him a behaviorist parent. Because they follow the experimental conclusion of "Pavlov's dog" and try to use positive and negative incentives to guide children's behavior. But in fact, according to my observation, such behaviorism education is only suitable for very young babies. When they haven't formed logical thinking, using exclamation, scolding, smiling and praise can really regulate their behavior and let them know what to do and what not to do.

But when the children are older, this method can not be used.

Because they know how to think and observe, they can subconsciously distinguish what principle and purpose adults act on. But they don't know whether it's good or bad. Therefore, they will blindly follow the guidance of adults, be influenced by criticism and praise, and never form the basic concept of one thing.

Children who are criticized at an early age will doubt themselves in their hearts. He would think, "No matter what I do, there always seems to be some place where I can't do it perfectly." So he would be cautious. He will be very resilient because he is familiar with all setbacks and attacks. If he is criticized too much, condemned too heavily and out of line, he will even form a concept of "I can't do anything well" and generalize it to all kinds of situations in adulthood.

Children who have been praised since childhood are full of affirmation to themselves, but this certainly has no factual basis and is a tree without foundation. He would think, "Everything I do is easy, and I deserve a reward when I'm done." At this time, external reward became his motivation to do things, and his blindness and optimism seriously underestimated the difficulties he might encounter. If the difficulties were slightly greater, he would quickly give up, because he did not have much experience of facing setbacks and attacks. In other words, praised older children tend to do only those things that are successful and rewarded, and they don't want to touch those things that are likely to fail and not be rewarded.

The disadvantage of these two ways of education lies in that they do not teach children to see the essence of things, nor can they make them realize that they benefit from doing good things themselves, do wrong things and suffer losses themselves. If the basic value of right and wrong is not established, the child will not be motivated to do anything without external evaluation, because he can not establish an internal connection with these things, and can not see the need to do things.

Therefore, my view is that criticism and praise are needed, but the most important thing is to be on the spot. The child has dirty clothes, lost things, forgotten his homework, don't rush to criticize, but let him know how his behavior affects him. Only when he understands the essence of this event and its close relationship with him can he build up the internal motivation for his hard life and get rid of praise and criticism in his future life.
About author
Related Questions